Finding out about your spouse’s adultery may make you feel like your world is crumbling down around you, but it is important to know that you can survive infidelity.
Finding out that your spouse cheated on you can be extremely traumatic and you will find yourself still coping with the situation months, maybe even years, after you found out about it. Your dreams of having a perfect family shatters, and reality starts to sink in.
Sure, married couples go through marital problems that cause heartaches and devastation such as money problems, health issues and disagreements about the children. But nothing is quite like it when you are dealing with infidelity. It definitely destabilizes and demoralizes the foundation of the marriage. Divorce is not necessarily the answer to this because there are some couples who manage to work it out, healing and rebuilding the relationship together. It somehow even makes others stronger and more honest with each other compared to how they were before it happened.
The Aftermath of Exposing Adultery
For a long period of time, you will find yourself experiencing overwhelming emotions that would sometimes oppose the way you felt just moments ago – this will leave you more confused making it impossible for you to think properly. This is exactly the reason why you should not make any drastic decisions while you are in this phase. Couples can never seem to find where to begin and how to start rebuilding their relationship. It is quite hard to survive infidelity and the sad truth is that many couples cannot find any way to start all over with their spouse because they continually focus their attention on their problems instead of relinquishing, contemplating and assessing how they feel towards their partner.
There are people who cannot seem to let go and move on from the fact that their partner cheated on them, which is normal, but you would have to decide at a certain point where you want your relationship to be and if you would still be willing to work on it as partners.
Mending a Marriage Post-Infidelity
First things first, both parties in the relationship must learn to accept the fact that cheating already happened and there is nothing that any person can do about it anymore. The next step would be to stop questioning each other. Questions such as “Was the affair better than what you two had?, or “Did the other person make your spouse happier?” can only lead to a fight and this will not help you move on to the next phase of your life as a couple.
The third step would be to learn how to respect each other’s private time. Give your spouse some time alone so he or she can contemplate on what has happened and eventually accept that at this point, both of you cannot force yourselves to have a joyous and harmonious relationship.
Life after infidelity is really a challenge but the key is for you and your spouse to talk and decide where you want to bring the marriage after that has happened. It is not impossible for you to get back on your feet and work on your marriage. There are instances wherein couples grew even closer and have a stronger relationship after the extra marital affair. You just have to learn to trust again and remain faithful from here on. It is easier said than done, but it is not impossible, if you are both willing and committed to work on it.